*The month is not over, but this seems to be the longest month that I’ve ever lived through. I know it’s only 30 days, but it feels like the energizer bunny, going and going and going. 2 days until it’s finally gone.*

Wearing: Dresses, gasp. The weather’s been California like, 80 degrees during the day, 60’s at night. It makes me happy.

Listening to: Let’s see, I went through a Michelle Branch and Colbie Caillat phase for a couple of days, Then to an Alanis Morissette and Breaking Benjamin phase, then it turned to John Mayer and Patty Griffin, then back to Alanis, then back to John Mayer,and now it’s back to everything.

I really dislike Rihanna, and I hate Disturbia.

I’m digging Pink again. I’m glad she made a successful comeback.

Reading:Besides my textbooks, I had to read the Epic of Gilgamesh and am currently reading Utopia. Humans are stupid and we never learn, not even from our own experiences.

Watching: Grey’s Anatomy, (We even have TV shows that tell us about human nature and we still screw up over and over again.), Scrubs, and Football.

Craving: Real food. Any food with substance. Non cafeteria food. Thai food and I’ve recently gotten a hanckering for Indian Curry and Chappattai’s.

Wondering: How someone can be the nicest person ever and then turn into a complete ass in less than 24 hours? And then why do they have to flip flop between the two, couldn’t they just pick one and stay that way? Why can’t there be more people like George (Grey’s Anatomy)?

Wishing: That I could a. Go back in time and change somethings. or b. Had the strength to move on and forget.

Lusting after: Money, which is supposedly the root of all evil, but in actuallity it’s the male species. And I’m not being bitter, it’s just logic. Eve was just trying to make Adam like her and it back fired on her.

Loving: The Wedding Singer. It fills the craving for bitter angst but leaves you just a tad sappy at the end.

Missing: People who understand and accept me for who I am. The loud and spunky me, the giggily me, the bitter me, the sarcastic me, the quiet me, the contemplative me, the me who pounces, the talk way too much me, the anti hug and affection me, the “Hold me Bob” me, the sports fanatic me, the condesending me, the try to hard me, the don’t give a crap me, the stick my foot and my mouth me, the unbashful me, the analytical me, the don’t think before I speak and I’m sorry me, the indecisive me, the I trust to easily me, and everything else that is me.

Course I know only about 5 people who could actually handle and stand the whole me, and those are the people that I miss the most.

Boy crushing: Besides the obvious…Michael Phelps still has a place in my heart. Even if he is a trader to his homeland in being a Michigan fan. I wonder if he is anywhere close to getting his degree…

Awaiting: Fall Break.

Dreading: Monday. A case of the Monday’s has taken a whole new meaning for me. I have 4 classes on Monday. Never again will I schedule 4 classes on Monday’s. 4 classes on Monday’s means 4 classes on Wednesday and Friday as well. I dread the first day of the week, the middle of the week and even the last day of the week which is supposed to be a happy day because it’s FRIDAY!

Duke beat Virginia 31-3 today.

It’s a cause to celebrate…

So…Mr. D.B.S. and I are no longer talking. A few things happened that are worth forgetting. It’s feels weird because we share a few mutual friends. I’m trying not to voice my disdain for him because I know how awkward it can be when your friends are in the “no talking” and “picking sides” phase and I don’t want to put them through that. But it’s hard, and I have to keep catching myself.

Anyhow, one of our mutual friends wrote a story about our Sunday night hang out for his English class. He focused on Mr. D.B.S and his friend’s invention of a game called Room Pong. It’s something that only boys would come up with and it actually reminded me of something Mr. Quilp would have made up (though Mr. Quilp’s would have involved more shots to the body).

For some reason he decided to add everyone in the room to the story and he took a lot of creative liberty in his retelling of the events. Tonight he let me read the blog that he had posted it too, but because it’s his English blog that his teacher reads I can’t give it out. Anyhow…here’s a small clip of the story.

Veronica, the other audience member, sat beside where we stood, anticipating the end of half-time. She was a short and slightly attractive mixed girl who spoke in a nasally voice.
“When will half-time end?” she asked impatiently. Luke looked at her and turned to the bathroom door.
“As soon as Hank gets done with whatever he’s doing in there!” Luke purposely raised his voice so Hank could hear. The water that had been running for the past couple minutes went silent.
“I’ll be out in a few more seconds!” Hank called out. He walked out of the bathroom and dried his hands. “So impatient! Okay, let’s finish this game.” He raised his paddle and Luke served the ball.

FYI…I had/have a cold.

Should I be offended? Slightly attractive? Nasal voice?  Do I really have a nasal sounding voice?

My fantasy football team is off to a horrendous 0-3 start. Not that I was ever all that good, but this is by far my worse start.

I haven’t watched a full football game since….last season.

I haven’t devoted more than 15 minutes of sitting time since….last season.

I know that it’s only 3 weeks into the season but I don’t see this working all to well.

What happened to me? I’m losing my identity. I don’t even know who I am any more.

I have my first class in 5 and half hours and I can’t fall asleep. Reason being, my heart is racing and my anger is soaring. I just suffered another bout of injustice from my ever so sweet suitemates. This time however they were supposedly “trying to fix things”. But sometimes things are unrepairable and my relationship with them is one of them.

I’m usually a very nice person, and I try to get along with everyone. I’ve often been told I’m too kind and forgiving, but I also know that when I feel hostility or someone irks me just right or my cup of forgiveness runs empty, I get pissed and I become very blunt and sarcastic.

I hate it as much as anyone else and I usually feel bad after I let it rip. But the funny thing is that I didn’t have feelings of guilt after I let my ex roommate have it last time. She had 3 hours of fun ranting at me the night before and I had a good 8 minutes of fun letting her have it the next night. (and I used some pretty clever lines).

Today Mr. Douche Bag was downgraded from Mr. Douche Bag Supreme to Mr. Douche. (It’s kinda like the colored terrorists alert code, and it will probably change again soon, most likely upwards). I’m pretty sure that this is the reason why things blew up with my suitemates tonight. I loved how it happened to happen right as I entered the dorm too. I also super appreciated their nice little text messages trying to track me down…I HATE TEXT MESSAGES!

I didn’t want to talk about it. And strangely enough I used the line “There’s nothing to talk about”.  (It felt kinda funny.) But they wouldn’t give up. They wanted to “express” their feelings. So I said fine…carry on. So they said want they wanted but honestly I didn’t catch what they were saying. They have a problem of taking an hour for one point, and my attention span happens to dwindle by then. After they spewed whatever it was (the gist was that they were supposedly scared of me…FYI.they are all bigger than me, 2. I have never harmed a person before…except when I was 4 and that 8 year old boy started it and deserved it. And supposedly I take things too litterally….you said you were going to take me down if you needed to and I’m not supposed to take that literally?) they asked me for my side of the things.

I told them 3 things…1. That I didn’t like how 2 of them were friend requesting my second best friend A. on Facebook consecutive times (Btw it was freaking her out so she called me with a “WTF is going on and who are these people?”) just because they are nosy and wanted to read her wall. 2. That everything is going to be weird from now on so there is no point in talking about it. Things will not go back as normal, whatever that was. 3. That whatever I tell them they always go back to “the other side” and hash it over and it ends up backfiring on me.

Then a girl who I actually didn’t have any personal angst against goes and calls me a Bitch. Umm….I’ve been called many names but not that, and especially not to my face. Also as many people that know my situation can atest I’ve been anything but that. So umm…I admit I didn’t take it very christian like, and my dad would be very ashamed when/if he reads this. Because my retaliation was directed at her who can sometimes be cool, but is usually two-faced, I feel bad, but because she started it…I don’t.

And then I walked out and went to a friends dorm a few rows down to try to cool down.

I don’t know why they always pick a Sunday night/monday morning to start these things.

While at the friends dorm, they texted and called me 3 times each to say that they wanted to talk again without the name calling girl. I needed my space so I blew them off for a while, but of course eventually I had to head back to my dorm. So they said a few things more, and I just listened. Said uhuh…and it was over.

Now I’m fuming silently and hoping that this post will relieve some of the tension.

One more thing about Mr. Douche. There was a warning sign that I chosed to ignore, and it might seem pretty stupid to some but it’s definitely worth mentioning. The first time we were hanging out he asked if I wanted something to drink. I said “yeah, what do you have?” and he said “water and Mountain Dew“.  Me: I’ll take a MD.”Him: Cool, yeah MD is my favorite drink.

Warning! Warning! Stop! Step Away! went through my head, but I pushed it out quite quickly. The chances of his favorite drink being Mountian Dew are like what 1 out of every 25 soda flavors? Purely coincidental, Right?

It’s something I’ve been mulling over for a while now, and tonight reinforced it when we went to D.G. and he bought a MD and asked if I wanted one to…I turned down the offer. It was too eerily familiar.

So you all know that I hate the Patriots, however even with all my hatred I still picked them to beat Miami in the Pick’em league because you know Miami was 0-2 and the Pats without Brady were 2-0. And who would have suspected the Patriots to be the first team to lose to Miami in like what 15 games?

What the hell happened?

I had to stop watching the Colts game. It hurts too much.

I came down with a horrible cold 2 days ago, and I just got back from Dollar General where I bought a bunch of drugs. Hopefully they work.

I’m working on a nice little discussion for The Hollow Blah. It’s kinda taken a back seat to other things such as homework, papers, and social life, but it’s coming together nicely, in my opinion at least. I’m sure it’ll get shot down rather quickly though.

Don’t bring me bad news, no bad news
I don’t need none of your bad news today
You’re a sad little boy, anyone can see you’re just a sad little boy
That’s why you’re carrying on that way
Why don’t you burn it all down, burn your own house down, burn your own house down
Try to kill your own disease
And leave the rest of us, there’s a lot of us, leave the rest of us
Who wanna live in peace to live in peace

I’m gonna find me a man, love him so well, love him so strong, love him so slow
We’re gonna go way beyond the walls of this fortress
And we won’t be afraid, we won’t be afraid, and though the darkness may come our way
We won’t be afraid to be alive anymore
And we’ll grow kindness in our hearts for all the strangers among us
Till there are no strangers anymore

Don’t bring me bad news, no bad news
I don’t need none of your bad news today
You can’t have my fear, I’ve got nothing to lose, can’t have my fear
I’m not getting out of here alive anyway
And I don’t need none of these things, I don’t need none of these things
I’ve been handed
And the bird of peace is flying over, she’s flying over and
Coming in for a landing

-Patty Griffin

People only told me about the good benefits of going to a small school such as a good education and small classes. But I would have rather have been informed of the downsides, like once you have a problem with someone you’re going to see them over and over and over again and it’s going to be awkward no matter how you roll the dice.

And my dice keep on rolling and things keep being awkward.

I’m trying to act as normal as I can, because I don’t want to take it to the “crazy place”…but if I keep seeing him 2-3 times a day “randomly”, I might.

Somehow or another we went 2 weeks with only seeing each other but once (at least I never saw him any other time), then another week of having to arrange meetings, and now we’re running into each other 2-4 times a day? How does that work?

And I swear I’m going to slip up sometime soon and call him Mr. Douche Bag to his face.

….I know I have a problem of over analyzing everything…

I woke up this morning not so jazzed about my classes, but after stepping outside and seeing the gorgeous weather…I got pumped, except then I hated being inside and couldn’t wait till they were over. It was jacket weather, breezy, and in the 70’s. It’s the type of weather that I’ve always associated with college.

Tonight’s game of the Cowboys vs. Eagles was a college game revisited. It was good….except I’m not a college football fan.

However it was nothing like the State vs. Arburn game from this weekend, 2-3. Please…that’s just sad.

I just read Zack Greer is going to play his extra year of Lax at Bryant for former Duke Coach Pressler instead of at Duke.

I’m bummed.

But Duke should be alright…